ive been super busy this semester... im taking five time-consuming interior design classes as well as working as an intern at a global hospitality design firm in downtown. im extremely stoked that i got the position and that im graduating in may.... finally. i quit my job at chilis last month, and i never thought i would say this, but i kinda miss it. i miss seeing my friends at work and meeting new people.
daniel moved in with me permanently.. we bought him a futon and it's working out great -- i see my best friend all the time and im saving money. i have a great roommate situation, im lucky.
im still single, in fact it's officially been a year this month that i have been single. i think im finally ready. it took me a whole year and now i want to start dating. but it's hard to move on when you had exactly what you wanted and then one day you lose it all... and it's hard to find something as good as what you had and better... so my standards are high now. but im definetly having fun right now!... it's amazing to have weekends off. but it's made me somewhat lazy. im always tired during the week so on weekends i just wanna relax and party. halloween's coming up. im going to be sponge bob...sounds cheesy but the costume is super cute... google "women's sponge bob costume".. LOL. ok im over writing.. thats all for now no one even reads this anyways...
Tonight: A steady rain this evening. Showers continuing overnight. Thunder possible. Low around 45F.
Winds W at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 80%. Rainfall around a quarter of an inch.
Tomorrow: Chance of a morning shower. Partly cloudy. High 52F. Winds NW at 5 to 10 mph.
Tomorrow night: Showers early becoming a steady rain late. Low 46F. Winds WSW at 10 mph
why is it so hard to find a decent individual in this city? Im sick of seeing couples everywhere. All the potential men are gay, or living with their girlfriend, or they're stinky hippies. (Im not shallow and I'm not overly picky. it's just that I think you have to be attracted to someone you date okay. Someone that I personally dont find attractive may be very attractive to someone else. I'm just saying.)
it's getting so cold and my space-heater just broke....figures.
i stayed home instead of going to class today. it was a weird day. i thought a few random photos at home would suffice.
plus the lighting was great and i was feeling creative

Enjoying a moment of sunshine through the clouds while it lasts:
( photographs )

i fear that someone will one day break into my house while i am asleep. it would be so easy to do here with the flimsy door and all. i sleep with pepper spray and a pocket knife on my side table. i just heard noises downstairs... im hella paranoid... yeah i just said hella. okkay, i live in nor-cal now afterall. anyways, i have a love/hate relationship with being alone. i want someone to sleep next to, but when they're there too often, i want nothing more than a bed to myself. i enjoy solitude because i tend to be one who recharges through silence and thought; but then when i have too much of solitude, i tend to become irrational and all i feel like doing is smoking cigarettes. so i need to find a balance. i wish to have close friends like i used to...the ones you dont feel judged by. i still have good friends in LA but it's not the same because theyre 6 hours away. i guess my ex would be the closest person i had. however a boyfriend doesnt necessarily count as a close friend, because at any moment, they can tarnish your life and leave you and then youre alone again. once someone initially breaks your heart, you will never be the same... your vulnerability and innocence to the realism of human nature is gone... and you will never look at anyone that you will love again in your life the same, because now you know what they are capable of. you wont trust the same, you wont give yourself to someone the same. but i did. i trusted again so much in the person i was with, all the while knowing from day one that in the end, i would find myself sitting alone in bed watching my favorite shows night after night, like i am right now. its okay though because inner strength must be developed by experience and once you have it, your heart becomes a bit harder. but still, i put myself out there too much, i spill my thoughts so openly to people, often without thinking.... but you know what i think, it takes a strong person to be able to put their feelings out there. what's wrong with being able to tell people what you think? yeah it makes you somewhat vulnerable because we cannot edit the spoken word, but so what, at least i feel like i'm being honest to myself.
So we dont talk. He's not at all interested in hearing what I have to say and I'm sick of listening to his guilt trips and belittling. I am 395 miles away from him and I like it that way. It really fucking makes me realize the lack of good relationships i have

I have recently come to the realization of what makes me feel content; what makes anyone content. I know that you should never measure your happiness on your relationships with others. As long as you know who you are as a person and are happy with yourself, you will be content in your relationships as well. And if you are okay with being who you are and where you are in life, it only makes you stronger and nothing / no one can break you. It's something you have to learn and find by experience.

You really wonder what feeds into the final making of a person. Do specific events alter the course of somebody forever after? I mean, of course they do, but wouldnt it be interesting to go back in time and have the hand of god point his finger at the exact moment in the reel of your life where you veered? The spot where you changed your own destiny? Im sure Im obsessing over the wrong issue, but there are markers in a life. Does a new route actually start at these moments? And the way you go about things afterward has to make you think. Dont you ever wonder?
2. see my favorite bands live
3. wear a "hoochie" dress because I can
4. not cut my hair
5. not have a boyfriend .. for a while at least
6. eat fondue
7. draw a happy face on the bottom of someone's foot
8. have many winter coats in an assortment of colors
9. own a street bike
10. attain the perfect shade of hair color
11. swim in the ocean
12. dance my heart out to 90's music
13. make peace with the fact that everything grows old over time and nothing lasts forever
14 . drink memosas at sunrise by the ocean
15. improve on my german
16. learn to play guitar
17. perfect the art of cooking
18. get a great internship
19. make someone smile
20. get more sleep





